I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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