and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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