Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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