It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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