I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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