Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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