I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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