We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
