I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
