Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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