The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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