my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
