I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.