She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pooping to opera.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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