I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
