You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
