yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
