My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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