That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
