did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
