Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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