Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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