Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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