so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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