god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
