I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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