my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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