You really coming over, don't trick.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
