Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
