you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When did angry sex become our thing?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
