It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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