Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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