I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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