My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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