your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
