kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Green mimosas i think yes
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
