Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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