Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
