I heard we made out
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
