Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
