Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
