she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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