Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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