it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
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No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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