I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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