So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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