im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
