I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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