I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
