The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
