He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I need moral support for this bender
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
