Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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