The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
