grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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