i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
