Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize