I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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