I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's never too late to be topless.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
