Capitaan dildo arrescate!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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