i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
