I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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