you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
